This is a tough topic to deal with for many people. A site like this needs to address it front on though, and you can’t pull punches when talking about a subject like this which can have such devastating results.
We are going to go through all the main points you need to know to protect yourself from being drugged while dating, hurt in any way, or setting yourself up for abuse down the line by giving away details that you shouldn’t.
Please remember that overwhelmingly, people are good. As I will cover later, some things which could feel like red flags actually aren’t. It’s always important to not be anxious and remain realistic, while also being switched on.
Do Not Be Scared To Go Out And Have Fun – It’s Great To Meet People
First up let’s not scare you. You’re here because you are worried about going on a date and something bad happening.
Perhaps bad things have happened in the past, and it’s totally understandable that you would feel this way. Even if they haven’t, protecting yourself is crucial. Balance is important though. Most people aren’t out to get you, and even things that feel odd at times aren’t.
If you do have triggers that could impact on your decision-making or calmness during the day, then ensure that you understand them and don’t get yourself into a situation where they can be triggered. Set rules for yourself, and on arrival, or even before, with your date, so that they honor them.
Also remember, you don’t have to explain yourself. If you ask for a precondition meeting, then any reasonable person should understand that as a woman you might want that reassurance, and will readily give it.
Have A Safety Plan
Preparation is key. Before you head out, make sure someone knows where you are and who you’re with. Share your location with a trusted friend or family member and agree on a check-in time. If you don’t check in as planned, they’ll know to follow up.
Having a pre-arranged code word or phrase can also be a discreet way to signal that you need help without raising suspicion. This simple system offers a layer of protection that you can count on if things take an unexpected turn.
When on the date, have an exit plan in mind. Don’t go somewhere that you are unfamiliar with for your dates. Then you’ll know where the toilets are, the bar staff numbers and layout, exits and how busy it will be. Ideally, it should be somewhere where you can go to the toilet and then exit the building without being seen. That way you can make the excuse to go to the toilet, and then exit and escape instead.
With that in mind, positioning yourself on a table where you could facilitate an unobserved exit is a good idea.
Stay Aware Of Your Surroundings
Awareness is your first line of defense. Wherever you are, whether it’s a crowded bar or a quiet café, make a habit of taking in your environment. Notice exits, observe the people around you, and pay attention to subtle changes in the atmosphere.
If something feels off, don’t hesitate to act on it. Staying aware doesn’t mean being paranoid though; it’s about staying prepared.
Remember as well, if you are drinking that this will soften your attitude and your awareness. Split up your drinks, have weaker drinks, and just ensure that you can stay alert.
Keep An Eye On Your Drink
One of the simplest yet most effective safety habits is guarding your drink. A combination of getting your own drinks, and make sure you can watch the bartender prepare the drinks, along with your dates passage with them back to the table is crucial. They should always be in sight.
Obviously, it’s going to look rude if you go to the toilet and come back to half of a drink and you discard it. So, the best advice is to ensure you finish your drink and tell them you’re going to go to the toilet and will get drinks for you both on the way back. This takes some awareness and timing, but completely gets around the situation in a polite and discreet manner.
By structuring it that way, you can’t have a situation where you arrive back at the table to find a fresh drink is waiting and you have no idea if something has been done to it.
Trust your instincts
Your instincts are powerful. If something feels wrong, it usually is. Many people are conditioned to be polite or to avoid making a scene, but when it comes to your safety, trust your gut without hesitation.
Maybe someone is acting overly friendly too quickly, or perhaps their behavior doesn’t match their prior words. These small inconsistencies might be warning signs, so don’t brush them off.
If something feels off, excuse yourself, and leave. There is no harm in being cautious. But again, remember to be balanced and to understand if you have triggers which could kickstart a false response.
Watch Your Alcohol Intake
Alcohol impairs judgment, slows reaction times, and makes it easier for others to take advantage of you. Know your limits and stay in control, especially when in unfamiliar settings.
Stick to drinks that are harder to tamper with, like beer in a bottle, and avoid anything that leaves your drink exposed for too long. It’s easy to get caught up in the moment, but drinking responsibly keeps you sharp and aware, which is crucial in maintaining control over your safety.
If you do feel strange then always reach out to bar staff and don’t make an exit from the building. If you do get into a situation where the police are involved due to suspicion, then always be open to, and suggest drug testing such as urinalysis, that could tell you if your fears were founded or not.
Stay Connected
In today’s digital world, your phone is more than just a means of communication; it’s a safety tool. Make sure your phone is fully charged before going out, and that your location services are on. Apps like Find My Friends or Google Maps allow you to share your real-time location with trusted contacts, so someone always knows where you are.
In an emergency, the quicker someone can find you, the better. Staying connected keeps you one step ahead, giving you peace of mind throughout your night.
However, it’s important to be discreet and polite. If you’re constantly looking your phone, not only is it rude, but it could give someone the impression that you are deeply untrusting and make them exit the day instead when there’s actually nothing wrong. As with everything, balance is important.
Watch For Red Flags – But Remember Not Every Red Flag Is A Genuine One
There are lots of red flags to watch out for. For example, taking a very keen interest in aspects of your life through direct and indirect questioning. You’re always told to be cautious about giving personal details, in case they are building up a picture from which they can stalk you, by finding where you live and work.
But remember, not everyone is a lunatic or a stalker. Sometimes questions like this can be completely natural. If someone asks you where you live, especially if they are nervous, it can be to spontaneous general question that many people ask. Don’t immediately decide they are out to get you, but are just being general and polite instead.
You could even just give a completely wrong area of the city you live in as your answer. It satisfies that curiosity and calms them down, but without actually giving anything away.
Later down the line if you click, you can explain the truth and any reasonable person will understand that as a female in the modern world, you do have to protect yourself in this way.
Avoid A Crowded Nightclub Or Bar
Almost all instances of having date rape drugs injected are in crowded nightclubs and bars. That’s because people are brushing against you and are in close proximity without arousing suspicion. This is backed up by drug testing evidence from multiple studies across multiple countries.
So, for your first few dates with someone new, it’s best to avoid crowded situations where you are moving around a lot. Always look for somewhere you can sit down and where it’s only moderately busy.
A great strategy is to do most of your dating earlier in the week when even busier locations that are open will be quieter.
Only Move Locations During The Date If It’s Very Close And Populated
Sometimes it can feel very natural if you are clicking with someone to move to a different location and get a change of scenery. If things are going well, that’s great as long as you are still switched on.
If you suggest the move, then obviously that’s going to reassure you. But if the man suggests the move, then naturally you should be cautious. Always make sure it’s still somewhere you know, and not somewhere completely new to you.
Also, ensure that it’s only a couple of minutes’ walk away along busy streets, with no cut-throughs or quiet locations along the route.
